Kocky's Bar & Grill

What's it like?

I've been sitting on this review for a few weeks now. I wanted to give the restaurant a second chance, but after last night's dinner at Hero's, I realize that's not necessary.

Here's the short version: Kocky's is mediocre, at best. I ate there with Ryan, Mike and Jorge shortly after the place opened, and tweeted something to the tune of, "It's not what you want it to be. And that's okay." (I was mostly responding to the initial skeptics.)

Sure, the menu is riddled with typos; for that matter, this review likely will be, as well. Sure, the ambiance is…well, let's just say you shouldn't go for the ambiance. And the food? Well, most of it tastes like it was dropped from a freezer bag into a deep fryer.

The chicken wings are tasty--they fry the whole wing, and it's nicely seasoned. The jalapeno poppers, on the other hand, are trash. They're filled with nacho cheese, which creates a dangerously hot liquid when it comes out of the fryer. The potato skins and mozzarella sticks taste the same as they do at any other restaurant that orders from Sysco.

I've read a few complaints about the size of the burger, but it was enough for me, and it was decent (nothing to rave about, but it'll do). Mine had swiss cheese and mushrooms.

Back to Hero's. After finding the lights off at both King Kebob and Joe's, Kim and I decided to give Hero's one more shot. The burger I ordered last time had deli ham instead of bacon (they must have been out?), so we kept it simple with appetizers: chicken tenders with fries and chicken quesadillas. Same freezer-to-fryer flavor. We could have saved a few bucks by eating a similar meal at Kocky's.

It's interesting to talk about the long-term viability of a new restaurant that isn't anything new, but I think Kocky's has potential (assuming they don't face the same struggles as other restaurants-trying-to-be-a-restaurant-and-nightclub). My only suggestion would be to remove the jerseys from the far wall and hook up a projection system (the wiring's already in place from a previous tenant) to show sports. Non-stop. All day, and all night.

Oh, and about Kocky's Load (the sampler platter). I get the joke, but I wish the owners had the balls (teehee) to carry out the theme. Mike and I discussed this on a recent taco outing, and came up with some suggestions for new menu items:

• The Big Weiner - hot dogs are cheap
• Tube Steak - an upgrade to The Big Weiner, featuring an all-beef hot dog
• Four Skins - four of the potato skins they're serving on the Load

Go ahead, add your suggestions to the list. And go in to judge the place for yourself. Just avoid the bathroom.